10 Communication Mistakes Couples Make & 10 Conversations That Change Everything
Read about the 10 most common communication mistakes every couple should avoid and the 10 conversations that can save your relationship.
- Cyra Sanchez
- 7 min read
Communication is more complicated than it seems. It’s not just about simply arguing or discussing matters with your partner. That’s why it’s common for couples to make these 10 communication mistakes that can ruin their relationship. Don’t worry; you can also count on these 10 conversations with your partner to change everything.
1. Jumping to conclusions
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You or your partner may start making assumptions in the middle of a conversation. This happens when one of you is impatient and cuts the other off during the discussion. As a result, you may end up having more confusion and misunderstandings, which could turn into long, unproductive arguments.
2. Relying on digital communication
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Some people with social anxiety may find it easier to convey their thoughts through texting, chatting, or calling. However, this isn’t always effective and can lead to miscommunication. After all, it’s hard to get your point across if there’s a screen between you; this means you can’t read each other’s body language or analyze their tone carefully.
3. Not listening enough
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During conversations, one of you might get distracted or think you already understand their concern. When this happens, you or your partner might not understand each other clearly, and the whole point of your discussion becomes meaningless. That’s why being a good and active listener is essential to having healthy communication with your partner.
4. Being too emotional during logical discussions
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It’s hard to have a productive discussion if one or both of you tend to lose control of your emotions; you or your partner may start screaming, throwing insults, or even walking out to leave the conversation abruptly. These are signs of lacking emotional maturity, and it’s something every couple should also work on; otherwise, their communication will never be calm and logical. It’s not that your emotions are invalid; it’s what you do about them during confrontations.
5. Running away from difficult conversations
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Some people tend to shut down or self-isolate during conflict; this is a reflection of their anxiety or insecurities that could get in the way of their communication skills. However, this also doesn’t resolve anything and may only worsen matters.
6. Disregarding repetitive concerns
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Just because you’ve heard them complain about the same thing a hundred times doesn’t mean you can brush it off. Sometimes, you or your partner may cling to unresolved issues from your past experiences. Usually, this happens because of poor communication, too, so if your partner keeps bringing up the same problem, it’s time to face it seriously before they stop caring about you.
7. Lack of accountability
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Conversations in which only one person constantly takes the blame are never productive. It shows a lack of accountability, and the blame is continually being shifted. The worst thing is that you or your partner may even be gaslighting or guilt-tripping each other to avoid accountability.
8. Caring more about winning than understanding
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During arguments, couples may lose sight of the most important thing as they get carried away. This means you or your partner might care more about winning the argument than focusing on the conflict you should both work on. With this poor communication habit, your relationship won’t go anywhere, so remember that you’re a team and not rivals where only one of you can win.
9. Passive communication
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Passive communication can kill relationships; just because you or your partner can end arguments quickly doesn’t mean the problem has been resolved. When you’re passively communicating, you often set your thoughts and feelings aside, which is detrimental to the foundation of your relationship. Thus, it achieves nothing and may only become an exhausting cycle of arguments.
10. Being too critical
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While you may be open to discussions, you or your partner may still be too critical of each other. This means you only try to listen but are quick to blame the other person by bringing up their flaws or mistakes. This could make anyone feel more insecure and realize that there’s a lack of respect in your relationship.
To improve your communications as a couple, have these 10 conversations that could change everything in your relationship.
1. Clarifying all your thoughts
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To avoid making assumptions that could lead to arguments, tell your partner to spill everything on their mind and do the same thing. By sharing all your thoughts, you can clarify the wrong stuff both of you may have assumed about your relationship. Doing this at least once can change the way you and your partner feel about opening up to each other.
2. Encourage face-to-face discussions
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Digital conversations will always be less effective than talking in person. That’s why you should calmly tell your partner to meet you and talk about your relationship face-to-face. This helps prevent misunderstandings that digital conversations often create; after all, none of you can hide your true emotions and body language in person.
3. Offering to listen without interruption
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Next time you invite your partner to talk, offer to listen very carefully to each other. This means no one should interrupt and wait patiently for each other’s turn. With this agreement, you can encourage them to feel safe and comfortable in opening up to you about the troubles in their heart.
4. Agreeing to keep your emotions in check
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Some couples fear communicating because of the emotional outbursts that may come with it. This time, you should reassure each other that you’re willing to sit down and have a peaceful conversation without letting your emotions control your mind. Sometimes, being emotionally stable is the only thing you need to achieve proper communication in love.
5. Talk about your emotional connection
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Running away from difficult conversations is a sign of being emotionally disconnected from each other. To avoid that, it’s time to talk to your partner about working on your emotional intimacy so you can safely share your feelings as a couple. You can improve emotional intimacy by learning to be okay with vulnerability, spending enough quality time together, being grateful to each other, and being supportive of your partner.
6. Addressing unresolved past problems
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It’s time to let go of grudges and unresolved conflict from the past; address what your partner has been trying to bring to your attention. Your relationship can’t grow as long as something is holding both of you back, and that’s why you need to face these old problems that never seem to end. Once you get that out of the way, you’ll notice a significant change and improvement in your communication as a couple.
7. Acknowledging your mistakes and apologizing
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Reduce the emotional baggage in your relationship by giving each other the apology you need. After all, there must be plenty of times you’ve hurt each other without correctly apologizing. You should both open up, acknowledge your mistakes, apologize for them, and be willing to change for the growth of your relationship.
8. Focusing on the solution by working together
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Whenever you get carried away during an argument, be the anchor that keeps both of you in place. Remind your partner that you’re here to communicate, not to win or compete against each other. This should bring them back to the reality that you’re a team and need to work together to solve any relationship problem you have.
9. Pointing out the problem in passive communication
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If your partner is a passive communicator, it’s time to let them know how this quality can ruin your relationship. While it may be difficult to tell them the truth, you should still do it for your relationship’s growth. Otherwise, you’ll both end up passively communicating with each other while actively making your problems worse; as a result, you’ll both sit on a sinking ship.
10. Bringing up concerns without attacking vulnerabilities
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Talk to your partner about each other’s vulnerabilities and remind them it shouldn’t be used as a weapon to hurt each other. Once you’ve made this explicit request to your partner, you should expect to stop being too critical of you. After all, targeting your partner’s insecurities or weaknesses is never okay to prove a point in an argument.