10 Marriage Expectations That Hurt & 10 Realities That Actually Matter

Marriage is full of idealized expectations. But its true power is laughter, teamwork, forgiveness, and making small, everyday gestures significant. This article lists the unrealistic fantasies versus the actual, practical, and heartwarming realities that make a marriage thrive.

1. My partner will always know what I need without being told

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This isn’t a rom-com; they don’t have telepathy. If you want them to know you are upset because they forgot your birthday, try telling them instead of hoping they notice your silent treatment.

2. We will never fight

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You’re going to fight. If you don’t, one of you secretly eats their feelings while otherwise silently judging by vacuuming at 3 a.m.  

3. My partner will morph into the best possible version of themselves immediately after the wedding

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No! If they hadn’t picked up socks or paid bills on time before, they would not magically do so when a wedding ring is on their finger. 

4. Our love will be enough, just by itself, to keep us happy

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Love is lovely, but alone time, chips, salsa, and a good Wi-Fi connection are excellent too. And Netflix doesn’t care if you’re married or not.  

5. Marriage is full-time cuddling

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Sooner or later, one of you will find that sleeping all tangled around each other means clammy, squirmy limbs and an urgent desire to flee the warm side of the bed.  

6. We’ll have matching hobbies

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Well, guess what? That “united team” feeling melts away when one person secretly despises “DIY backyard projects” and the other secretly despises “scents candle making.”  

7. We’ll always be attracted to each other

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Attraction is more of a rollercoaster than a steady stream. You might be drawn to them one day, but watching them brush their teeth at a weird angle: not so much.  

8. Finances will work themselves out

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Money is a huge stressor. If you haven’t budgeted yet, your bank account will look at you like, “Yeah, I’m just going to let you figure this one out.”

9. We’ll always have exciting date nights

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Eventually, “date night” may mean putting on sweatpants, ordering pizza, and watching three episodes of your favorite show without one of you falling asleep.  

10. My partner will fix everything around the house

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Well, sometimes, the DIY gods don’t bless everyone. Prepare yourself to call some professionals for things like the leaky faucet or fixing your Wi-Fi unless you want your kitchen to turn into a makeshift science experiment.

While these assumptions and expectations are valid, more realities in marriage are more positive and could lead to a more harmonious marriage. Here are 10 marriage realities that matter. 

1. You’re teammates through everything

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Real marriage means backing each other up during the curveballs thrown your way, whether it’s a tough week at work or a disastrous family dinner. You will find out who has your back when it matters.

2. Laughter is as powerful as romance

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Life throws weird stuff at you; sometimes, the best thing to do is laugh together until it hurts. That is what will get you through better than any romantic dinner or moonlit walk ever will.

3. Comfort trumps everything

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Sure, the butterflies fade, but nothing beats the comfort of having a person who knows all your quirks. You reach the point when they see you at your worst and don’t flee–jackpot territory.

4. Make time for each other

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Date nights are challenging when you’re busy, but such investment in each other keeps the fire burning. Sometimes, this means you must schedule “fun time” (sweatpants are suitable).

5. Forgiveness is everything

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Let’s face it: you two are both going to screw up often. Like, frequently. Forgiveness is what keeps the ship from sinking.  

6. Money is a teamwork effort

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Teamwork when it comes to money might not be glamorous, but having each other’s backs about it helps build trust and lessens stress levels. Just don’t become each other’s financial advisor with your money. Or, you know, have a spreadsheet war over who ate the last pizza in the fridge.

7. You need each other to grow

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The person you married will not stop being who they are, and you won’t stop growing. The highlight of marriage is that you both become each other’s biggest supporter and number one fan in the journey.

8. You need your boundaries to stay sane

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From bathroom doors to alone time, having personal space can do quite a bit of good. You don’t have to be attached at the hip 24/7 just because you are married.

9. Having someone who is your confidant is priceless

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Knowing you have someone to share your joys and disappointments with is a plus. That kind of relationship is worth way more than that steamy romance scene.

10. It’s the little habits that count much more than grand gestures

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Grand gestures fade, but small daily acts of love–still brewing him coffee, doing his least favorite chore, or just listening to his day–add to a rock-solid foundation. And, you know, it’s all about the little things making up the big picture.   

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