10 Stresses of Family Expectations & 10 Freedoms in Setting Healthy Boundaries
Set your family free from stressful expectations by establishing these healthy boundaries.
- Cyra Sanchez
- 6 min read
Families can be complicated, especially when they have expectations that bring nothing but stress. Unfortunately, many families are unaware of their own destructive habits, and that’s why these things must be brought to attention. Please read through these 10 everyday stresses in family expectations and how 10 healthy boundaries can set them free.
1. Having double standards
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Every family has different expectations for each other, but when those standards only apply to your family and not to you, you’re creating an unfair setting in your home. This imbalance may cause family members to grow apart, build resentment, and develop insecurities. Rules should be fair to everyone to avoid having double standards.
2. Plans must be perfect
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There’s always at least one perfectionist in the family; they’ll often get upset when plans don’t go smoothly. They’ll often criticize everyone for “not listening” to them. However, this only shows they have stressful, unrealistic expectations because life can’t always be perfect.
3. Invalidating feelings
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Some families expect you never to feel hostile towards them; thus, they may resort to gaslighting or guilt-tripping to avoid accountability. As a result, they might invalidate your feelings and keep you distant from them. After all, what’s the point of opening up to your family about your concerns when all they do is invalidate or even blame you?
4. You can’t hold grudges
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“You should’ve told us,” — that’s a standard line from family members who are astounded to hear your grudges against them, but whenever you try to speak to them, they don’t bother to hear you out properly. After that, they’ll even use your grudge against you as if you’re the one who hurt them first. This unfair family expectation will only put stress and sadness in your heart.
5. Lack of patience
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Families often expect changes to be instant, which creates unhealthy pressure on anyone. After all, changing habits, achieving goals, or accomplishing tasks can’t always be perfect or done instantly. This expectation shows a lack of patience and understanding, which is the opposite of having a gentle environment for your family.
6. Invading privacies
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Many families would walk into your room without even knocking; in worse cases, some would constantly snoop around your belongings or use your phone without permission. These are examples of violating your family’s privacy. This happens because some families expect you don’t need privacy from them just because you’ve known each other for most of your lives.
7. Poor communication
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Your family may keep making assumptions about you and building expectations that no one else could ever figure out. That’s because no one is communicating, which leaves everyone playing guessing games. This creates a lot of conflict, which could’ve been avoided by simply talking things out.
8. Handling children’s emotions
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Some families expect children to be less emotionally intelligent than adults; thus, they often disregard a child’s feelings. This may cause the kid to feel disconnected from their family because they’re not being listened to. Just because they’re younger doesn’t mean their voice is invalid.
9. Entitlement
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Your family may fail to appreciate what you do for them because they feel entitled to your kindness. Many families have an unhealthy amount of pride that prevents them from even saying “thank you” or apologizing when they do something wrong. Expecting to do things for your family as part of your responsibility without them showing gratitude is just entitlement.
10. “Family always comes first”
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Sometimes, families no longer bother spending quality time together. That’s because they expect you to prioritize them over anyone else no matter what happens; plus, they tend to preach the mantra of “blood is thicker than water,” which is also an inaccurate quote. Just because you’re related by blood or married for life doesn’t mean you no longer have to put an effort into keeping your bond strong.
To save your family from stressing over these 10 unhealthy expectations, start setting these clear boundaries and enjoy these 10 freedoms instead.
1. Finding balance and fairness
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When the family has fair rules for everyone and boundaries are set for every member, peace at home becomes more accessible. As long as your family respects your boundaries, more power imbalances won’t exist. You’ll finally feel safe and accessible without sacrificing your comfort.
2. Learning to be okay with setbacks
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By eliminating unrealistic standards in your family, you’ll teach them to be okay with setbacks. Plans won’t always go perfectly, and obstacles will be on the way occasionally. Instead of worrying about these challenges, your family should use them as an opportunity to grow closer.
3. Knowing your value
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As your family learns to embrace your emotions without making you feel bad for having them, you’ll also start appreciating your value. By showing understanding for each other, families can help eliminate insecurities or other negative thoughts that might affect someone’s mental health. Achieving this will put your mind and heart at ease.
4. Finding peace and forgiveness
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You’ll erase the heavy weight of unresolved resentment or bitterness by teaching your family to let go of grudges. This will make you feel lighter, allowing your family to move forward.
5. Accepting flaws
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By setting boundaries, you’ll teach your family patience. This can help you understand each other more deeply as you learn to accept each other’s flaws. After all, no one is perfect, and mistakes make us human.
6. Prioritizing respect
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You can show your family how to respect boundaries by being the prime example; respect them and ask them to do the same for you. After that, you’ll have the chance to clarify the things they do that make you uncomfortable. If your family listens and accepts you, they’ll start trying to show respect; otherwise, they’ll risk losing their bond with you.
7. Less conflict and more connection
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Encouraging your family to communicate by setting proper boundaries will help you create a better understanding among each other. At the same time, your conflicts will grow less frequent. On the contrary, your connection will grow deeper; this allows you to feel free from the stress of unhealthy expectations.
8. Building emotional intelligence
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Once you stop disregarding children’s feelings, you’ll also teach them to build emotional intelligence. At the same time, your family could also learn from kids that it’s okay to be vulnerable and show emotions. Otherwise, you won’t be able to understand each other at all if everyone in your family keeps bottling up your feelings.
9. Feeling properly seen and appreciated
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With proper boundaries, you’ll remind your family to show appreciation whenever possible. This tells them that it’s time to set their pride aside and let go of feelings of entitlement. Once you have this quality in your family, no one will ever feel invisible or unappreciated again.
10. Improving trust and creating stronger bonds
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Expressing that your family needs to spend more time together shows you care about your bonds. This is a bridge that can help you build trust and strengthen your connections. Think of it as watering a plant; don’t you have to keep nourishing it to let it bloom and grow?