10 Tensions with In-Laws & 10 Ways They Complete Your Family Circle
Spot the unhealthy things in-laws might do and the qualities of good in-laws that can complete your family.
- Cyra Sanchez
- 7 min read
You may have the best partner in life… but that wouldn’t matter when you have to deal with monster in-laws. They will make your marriage feel more like a horror drama than a happy romantic film. So, if you recently got married or are soon to marry, beware of these top 10 tensions with in-laws. If you’re lucky to have good in-laws, you’ll enjoy these 10 great ways they can complete your family circle.
1. Being too judging
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Whether they admit it or not, many in-laws are prone to judging their child’s spouse. This could range from superficial criticisms to harsh remarks that may deeply offend anyone because they often think their older age gives them the right to pass strong judgments on your relationship. With in-laws like this, the tension may never disappear unless changes are made.
2. Comparisons
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Some in-laws may also compare your relationship with theirs, or worse, they’ll compare you with your spouse’s exes. This often happens when they believe you’re unworthy of their child’s love, causing them to act bitter towards you. With this toxic treatment, your marriage might be at risk unless your in-laws agree to stop.
3. Parenting disagreements
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Most in-laws are always excited about their grandchildren, so when you have kids, in-laws may get in the way of your parenting methods. This often ends in awful arguments because many in-laws tend to be stubborn. They’re rarely open about other parenting methods, thinking their approach is acceptable.
4. Cultural differences
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If you come from different cultural backgrounds, your in-laws may use that against you. Usually, this happens because they think you’re incompatible with their child and prefer someone from the same background. If the tension becomes unbearable, your in-laws need to be confronted for their somewhat racist mindset.
5. Religious differences
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Conflict caused by religious differences could happen with anyone, but when it’s with your in-laws, the tension is palpable. They may constantly question your beliefs and try to convert you to their preferred religion. No matter the difference in faith, in-laws must learn to accept yours as most religions teach the same thing: being kind and loving.
6. Disrespecting boundaries
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Some in-laws can be too invasive; you’d almost feel you no longer have privacy. They don’t respect your boundaries as a couple, let alone your boundaries as an individual. The worst part is they usually take offense if you call them out or speak to them about your boundaries.
7. Having lack of trust
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You’ll notice immediately when your in-laws don’t seem to trust you; sometimes, this reflects their lack of trust in their child or being extremely overprotective. This tension may go away over time, but if it doesn’t, despite your efforts to gain their trust, then the problem is no longer yours. However, this lack of confidence may cause them to plant doubts in your spouse’s mind, which might sabotage your marriage.
8. Financial burdens
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When your lives merge, opportunistic in-laws may take advantage of your finances. They’ll try to get involved in your financial-related plans or become the financial burden themselves. This happens when they constantly borrow or take money from you, thinking they’re entitled to your spouse’s earnings, including yours.
9. Living in the past
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Every era has different standards for love and relationships; that’s why in-laws stuck in the past may criticize your marriage if you and your spouse follow modern practices. You’ll often hear this kind of in-laws mocking young adults for knowing how to have boundaries, higher standards, and their worth.
10. Getting in the way of plans
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It’s hard to make plans with your spouse when your in-laws constantly get in the way; they might ask you to bring them along to your dates or cancel plans to do something else. Not only will this ruin the excitement in your marriage, but it will also make you feel that you can’t freely make decisions. If you decide to hide your plans from your in-laws, they’ll take it personally later on, making the tension worse.
Having terrible in-laws sounds like a nightmare, but the good ones will be the opposite of that. So here are 10 positive ways the right in-laws will complete your family circle.
1. Having an extended support system
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Having the right in-laws will make you feel like you’re never alone; you could have second parents to run to when you have personal problems or marriage conflicts. They’ll also be there to lend support during difficult times, ensuring your marriage won’t fall apart so easily. In-laws who support your marriage without question are blessings you mustn’t take for granted.
2. They can look after your kids
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Most parents would gladly take a day off from taking care of their kids, and the best people to take over that job are the grandparents. Good in-laws will always be happy to babysit your kids; their grandchildren can bring joy into their lives. Most grandparents with plenty of free time enjoy looking after their grandchildren to keep them busy.
3. You can count on them during emergencies
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Most people turn to their parents when they need urgent help; this is something good in-laws are willing to provide. They’ll act as your second parents who will be there for you in an emergency. Knowing they have your backs, you’ll have the chance to breathe when the crisis settles.
4. They can be your role models
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You’ll know your in-laws are good role models when they treat you kindly and fairly. Please don’t shy away from seeking their advice, getting to know them more, and befriending them. Their experiences may help you find answers that could make your marriage even better.
5. They can provide financial guidance
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In-laws who care for your marriage will not drain your savings as a couple; instead, they’ll find ways to provide financial guidance, which can save you a lot in the long run. If you can see that your in-laws are wise regarding their finances, you can consider following their advice. This decision may help your marriage achieve goals faster, too.
6. Your family bonding is livelier
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Some couples prefer to keep gatherings small, but when you have kind in-laws that make you feel loved, accepted, and understood, you’ll be more open to a livelier family bonding. This turns holidays and occasions into something more special as you spend time together as a happy family.
7. They can call out your spouse’s bad habits
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The right in-laws won’t tolerate their child’s wrong actions; they’d be willing to call out your spouse’s poor habits, too. Your in-laws would know best what kind of person they raised, and they won’t be afraid to express their disappointment or take action to discipline their child. While this may be embarrassing for your spouse, sometimes they need to be called out by other people (especially their parents) to snap out of their bad habits.
8. They can share their romantic life wisdom
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When you feel like your marriage is missing something, you can also turn to your in-laws for advice. As long as they see you as part of their family, they won’t hold back from giving you the best tips they could share. Though this idea may sound embarrassing to some, you might be surprised to hear some of your in-law’s romantic wisdom.
9. Their insights can give you a brand new perspective
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As you confide in your friends for help, your in-laws can offer you the same thing. In most cases, they’ll even give you the most unbiased sentiments because they’re your family, not a friend. So, if you’re feeling lost in your marriage, talk to your in-laws; their words might open your eyes to brand-new perspectives.
10. You’ll feel safer with their presence
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For many, the thought of moving to a new neighborhood surrounded by strangers can be terrifying. But you’ll feel less alone when you have your in-laws around, who may be living next door. Their presence gives you the security that there are people who care about your family, no matter what happens.