13 Weird Catalog Items Everyone Wanted in the ’80s
These catalog curiosities captured the quirky heart of the ’80s, when imagination often outpaced practicality — and that was exactly the point.
- Alyana Aguja
- 4 min read
The 1980s were a strange, wonderful era when catalogs brought the future and a bit of fantasy right to your doorstep. Items ranged from goofy gadgets and pseudo-scientific novelties to pop culture oddities, all promising fun, convenience, or transformation. Though many of them now seem laughably impractical or bizarre, they embody a generation’s desire to own something magical — even if it only cost $12.95 plus shipping and handling.
1. The Clapper
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“Clap on, clap off!” — The Clapper promised peak 1980s convenience with just two claps. It felt futuristic to control your lights or TV by sound, even if it sometimes misfired during thunderstorms or loud sneezes. Despite the gimmick, every kid wanted one, imagining themselves as tech-savvy masters of the home.
2. Mood Rings
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Sold in glossy mail-order catalogs, mood rings promised to decode your emotions through color-changing magic. Of course, it really just reacted to body heat, but that didn’t stop anyone from checking their “mood” every 10 minutes. It was science meets sorcery, with a heavy dash of teenage drama.
3. Sea Monkeys
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The ads made them look like a happy underwater kingdom of creatures that smiled, danced, and wore crowns. In reality, they were brine shrimp in powder form, but that didn’t stop kids from begging for a packet. The wonder of “growing pets” in water was just too strong to resist — even if it turned out kind of gross.
4. X-Ray Specs
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You didn’t actually see through skin or clothes, but you felt like you could. The weird swirling lenses gave the illusion of bones, and that alone made it worth the couple of bucks. It was every 10-year-old’s secret weapon for imagined superpowers.
5. Big Mouth Billy Bass (Early Prototype)
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Though it hit peak fame in the late ’90s, early versions of novelty singing fish were quietly slinking into ’80s catalogs. A mounted, battery-operated fish that sang and moved its head was just the kind of weird flex dads loved. It blended fishing culture with robotic absurdity — pure catalog gold.
6. Ant Farms
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Harmless yet hypnotic, these transparent mini-worlds let kids watch ants dig tunnels and organize chaos. It felt like owning a tiny alien civilization, straight from the pages of Boy’s Life or National Geographic World. As strange as it was, it scratched that itch for both science and mischief.
7. Chia Pets
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“Ch-ch-ch-Chia!” The jingle was unforgettable, and so was the odd pleasure of smearing wet seeds on a terracotta sheep. It sprouted like a science experiment, and for a while, every kitchen had at least one weirdly hairy planter.
8. Rejuvenique Face Mask
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Imagine Jason Voorhees got into skincare. This white plastic mask delivered electric pulses to your face for “muscle toning,” and it was somehow supposed to reduce wrinkles. It was terrifying, expensive, and strangely captivating in those glossy mail-order beauty sections.
9. Laser Tag Home Kits
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Before video games truly took over, catalogs offered the fantasy of live-action space battles in your own backyard. The home Laser Tag sets came with bulky chest sensors and guns that felt ripped from a sci-fi movie. It never quite worked as well as advertised, but no kid cared — they were lasering.
10. Friendship Bracelets Kit
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This kit was a rainbow tangle of floss and beads that turned boredom into obsession. You’d sit for hours knotting patterns, convinced each one held mystical meaning about your BFF status. It was crafty, sentimental, and surprisingly competitive.
11. Garfield Phones
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Because every teen girl’s dream room had a landline shaped like a sarcastic, reclining orange cat. The eyes opened when it rang, and the receiver nestled in his belly like some kind of plush telephone womb. It was a ridiculous blend of pop culture and technology, and people loved it.
12. Inflatable Furniture
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Why sit on wood or fabric when you could chill on neon pink plastic that squeaked with every movement? Inflatable chairs and couches were all the rage in teenage bedrooms, even if they deflated weekly. There was something rebellious about furniture you could deflate and hide when your mom yelled about your messy room.
13. Invisible Ink Spy Pens
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Every kid fancied themselves a secret agent, and these cheap pens were your ticket to espionage glory. Messages only appeared under a special UV light or heat source, though sometimes they just… didn’t appear at all. Still, the thrill of writing “classified” notes in class made up for the spotty performance.