20 Communication Patterns That Secretly Kill Relationships
Alarming communication patterns that can endanger your relationship.
- Cyra Sanchez
- 7 min read
Everyone knows communication is important in any relationship. That’s why having poor communication skills can spell out the end for you and your lover. With so many ways to communicate with your partner, not every method can be as effective as one may think. That’s why this article will show you the top 20 alarming communication patterns that you and your partner should avoid.
1. Gaslighting
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Playing the victim or always shifting the blame to you is a classic gaslighting method. They’ll never take accountability or admit their own mistakes and sometimes, they’ll even manipulate you hard enough to make you doubt yourself. This can be hard to notice at first, and you’ll only become more aware of it when it’s reached a toxic point that can kill your relationship.
2. Being too critical
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Constantly pointing out mistakes and belittling one another for them can severely damage a relationship. Your partner is supposed to be someone who supports you, not someone who brings you down by always criticizing you. This will lead to poor self-esteem and even anxiety issues.
3. Harsh tone of voice
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Even if your partner doesn’t yell at you, they may still speak to you in a harsh tone. When this happens, their words may feel sharper and leave painful cuts in your relationship. A couple should respect each other, so if they always speak to you harshly, it’s time to confront them about it.
4. They’re always irritated
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Non-verbal cues are also part of people’s communication skills. If your partner tends to roll their eyes at you and often looks at you as if they’re irritated to be in your presence, then you should question the quality of your relationship. Try to ask your partner why they’re always annoyed or irritated to find a solution before their habit kills your relationship.
5. Sighing too often
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Pay attention to your partner’s body language, it often conveys a message that their words can’t deliver. For example, if your partner sighs too often in your presence, take a moment to study their facial expressions and their tone of voice as well. If they seem to be stressed out whenever they spend time with you, it’s best to ask them what’s wrong before it ruins your relationship.
6. Isolating
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When your partner isolates themselves, ignores you, gives you the silent treatment and denies you any form of affection, this is something we call stonewalling. Stonewalling is a very unhealthy habit that can quickly kill any relationship because they’re avoiding the problem while actively making things worse.
7. Lack of accountability
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Does your partner never own up to their mistakes and expect you to always take the blame or forgive them? This is a strong example of poor communication and it can chip away at your mental health in the long run. They might end up ruining your confidence and create anxiety in your heart which in return, can put an end to your relationship.
8. Eye contact
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Some people say that eyes don’t lie, so if you want to read someone’s soul, you should pay attention to their eyes as well. If your partner tends to roll their eyes at you, glare at you, or avoid eye contact, it raises suspicion about their feelings for you. In the long run, you’ll end up feeling bad whenever you look at them in the eyes and this will stop you from feeling safe or happy in your relationship.
9. Screaming
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Screaming at each other often never ends well, after all, who likes being screamed at out of anger or frustration? This is a sign of emotional immaturity which means you or your partner need to work on controlling your emotions instead of lashing out at each other. If this continues, both of you will end up with anger in your hearts and that leads to the death of your relationship.
10. They mock you
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Mocking is never a part of healthy communication, after all, it achieves nothing but leaving your partner feeling upset or offended. Some people may mock you to feel good about themselves and this only reflects their poor, abusive personality. Eventually, you’ll grow sick of the mocking and decide to walk out of your relationship.
11. Guilt-tripping
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Some people are perfectly aware of their mistakes and they won’t totally shift the blame on you, sometimes, they just make you feel guilty about it. For example, they’ll come up with excuses to justify their wrong behavior and hope your guilt will lead you to forgive them. This won’t make them learn from their actions and they’re more likely to end up hurting you again.
12. Lying
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No matter how big or small, a lie will always be a lie. If your partner often lies to you, it creates doubt in your relationship which could lead to a lot of misunderstandings or fights. This is unhealthy and should be stopped before your relationship becomes damaged beyond repair.
13. Giving the cold shoulder
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Whenever something’s wrong, your partner might give you the cold shoulder. Instead of completely shutting down, they intentionally make you pick up on the signs that they’re upset with you by treating you coldly. This is another example of poor communication which can be exhausting to deal with, especially when you’re both mature adults who should know how to talk properly.
14. They aim for your weaknesses
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Couples usually confide in each other, talking about weaknesses and insecurities to better understand each other. But when your partner uses their knowledge against you to belittle you or to simply make you feel upset, that’s how you know the relationship is in danger. It reflects their lack of respect for you and highlights that there’s a power imbalance in the relationship which needs to be dealt with right away.
15. Insulting each other
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Most relationships will crash quickly once you become comfortable with insulting each other whenever there’s a fight. It invites the idea that it’s okay to say anything that can hurt the other person just because you’re both angry at the moment. This is a sign of emotional immaturity that can kill any relationship, couples who go through this may need to take a step back and work on their anger issues.
16. Withdrawing affection
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If your partner withdraws affection as a form of punishment, you’ll only end up hurting each other in the long run. That’s because it’s a sign of holding grudges with each other, meaning, they never have truly forgiven you or have moved on from past arguments. Nothing will grow in your relationship if this becomes a common habit between the two of you.
17. You bottle up your feelings
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If you’re afraid of conflict or you simply don’t know how to express your thoughts, you may unconsciously bottle up your feelings. As a result, you’ll eventually explode and pour all your pent-up frustrations which can overwhelm your partner. This behavior can jeopardize your relationship to the point of driving your partner to leave.
18. Backhanded compliments
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Do you experience some kind of push-and-pull dynamic with your partner? For example, they could say things like, “You did great… for an idiot,” which sounds nothing like a compliment at all. While you may think of this as just playful teasing, some relationships can end if the other person becomes too comfortable in giving backhanded compliments.
19. Being too judgmental
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If your partner is quick to judge you even for the simplest things, it reflects their lack of emotional maturity and shows they’re capable of disrespecting you. It also means they don’t have as much faith in you if they keep doubting your plans or your behaviors. As a result, you won’t feel properly loved and will constantly be on edge out of fear of your partner’s harsh judgments.
20. They’re always too negative
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It’s normal to feel down in the dumps once in a while, but if your partner offers nothing but negativity in any activity or discussion, then it’s a sign of an unhealthy communication skill. This should also be a symptom of something more concerning, such as mental health problems for which your partner would additional help. If positivity can be contagious, the same can be said for negativity, that’s why this habit can eventually put an end to your relationship.