20 Signs You're Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life
Most common unhealthy signs of self-sabotaging in relationships
- Cyra Sanchez
- 8 min read
Romance is all fun and exciting until you realize… you’re always bound to face conflicts. Here you are, trying your best to find love but you often encounter problems along the way. In that case, you might be unknowingly doing 1 or more of the 20 things that could be sabotaging your love life. This article will help you realize the factors you might have never considered before.
1. Being avoidant
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Do you self-isolate and keep your distance even from your partner during misunderstandings or arguments? Unfortunately, this is a sign of being an avoidant person and that means you’ll need to work on better communication with your partner. Silent treatment is never healthy for anyone in a relationship, so start by reaching out to your partner whenever there’s a problem between you.
2. Unrealistic expectations
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It’s normal to plan for the future and look forward to something, especially in new relationships. However, sometimes you need to hit the brakes and slow down otherwise, you might overwhelm your lover. That’s because having unrealistic expectations will not only hurt you but will also put pressure on your partner.
3. Jealousy
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Jealousy may seem cute at first, especially for young couples, but it can be suffocating in the long run. Yes, you might just be afraid of losing your partner to someone else and that’s understandable. But constantly being jealous even when there’s nothing wrong can put a permanent dent in your relationship and push your partner to leave.
4. Trust Issues
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Lack of trust in each other not only leads to jealousy but can also create a lot of misunderstanding which then turns into fights, it’s a cycle you’d want to avoid. What’s worse is your partner may also end up feeling hurt that you see them in a negative way instead of having faith in them. As the relationship experts say, trust is the foundation of relationships, so start working on it together.
5. Holding grudges
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In relationships, couples are bound to hurt each other from time to time. This may lead to scars in your heart, but it doesn’t mean you should hold grudges with your partner, otherwise, you both won’t be able to move on and heal. So if something still hurts you deep inside, it’s best to open up to your partner and talk about the issue instead of keeping it to yourself.
6. Poor self-esteem
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It’s hard to find love when you can’t love yourself in the first place. Having low self-esteem can stir anxiety in your mind which may cause you to doubt your partner’s faithfulness. That’s why you can’t simply enter a relationship expecting your partner to deal with your self-esteem issues, this is something you must work on for yourself and the people around you.
7. Cheating
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There are many ways to cheat nowadays aside from just having a serious affair with someone, that’s why there is now what they call “micro-cheating.” That said, you may think it’s not that deep to do certain actions like casually chatting with your ex or hanging out with someone you’re interested in behind your partner’s back. However, depending on your partner, this can be considered cheating if it betrays their trust or violates their boundaries.
8. Being unfaithful
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Cheating isn’t the only way to show unfaithfulness to your partner. For example, constantly hiding things from your partner can also be a sign of being unfaithful. When you make big decisions that can affect your relationship without even consulting the other person involved, that’s also being unfaithful which can end up pushing your partner away.
9. Neglecting yourself
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Relationships involve teamwork, which means you also need to put effort into taking care of not only your partner but also yourself. If you end up indulging in unhealthy habits that can ruin your health and affect your love life, your partner might grow sick of dealing with you too. To maintain a balanced relationship, don’t forget to take care of yourself as well.
10. Being too critical
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As the saying goes, nobody’s perfect and that’s why you can’t expect your partner to do everything right at all times. That’s why relationships require patience, go easy on your partner and be gentle with them when it comes to simple mistakes. You’re together to help each other grow, not to bring each other down, so be each other’s number one supporter!
11. Abusive behavior
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Abuse comes in many forms and oftentimes, some people are not even aware that they’re already acting abusive towards their partners. Yelling at your partner, constantly giving silent treatment, violating their boundaries, and disrespecting them in public or not are all common examples of abusive behavior that may seem normal to some people. This should be avoided at all costs so seek legal counseling if things are getting too rough.
12. Gaslighting
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Gaslighting your partner by convincing them that you’re the only victim all the time will only make them feel invalidated and unheard. Perhaps it’s not your intention to gaslight your partner, but it can still happen without you realizing it. Always remember that during arguments, acknowledging your flaws and mistakes is also important to keep things fair between you and your partner.
13. Lack of committment
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Most people who are looking for love are hoping to build a deep connection with their special someone. So if your partner is this kind of person, they’d want and expect the same commitment from you. But if you’re unable to express the same level of interest and love toward them, this could lead to disappointments which may ruin your relationship in the long run.
14. Poor communication
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As you’ve read throughout the slides, communication is a must in a relationship. Keep in mind that none of you are mind readers, so it’s time to set your emotions aside and start talking to your partner about anything that bothers you in your relationship. When you’re finally on the same page, both of you can work on setting proper boundaries and strengthen your relationship after regaining each other’s trust.
15. Not putting in enough effort
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Sometimes, you may unconsciously stop putting in the same level of effort when you’re already comfortable in your relationship. This could leave your partner wondering if the love you had for them started to fade away or if everything you did was just for show. So no matter how long you’ve been dating, you should still be consistent in your efforts for your partner, just like how you have to keep nurturing a plant to let it bloom and grow stronger.
16. Lack of quality time
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When you’re occupied with work or responsibilities, you may find it hard to constantly spend time with your lover and this may leave them feeling unwanted or unloved. But that’s exactly why you should make every moment count whenever you’re around them. This is your sign to take time to bond with your partner once in a while, do the things you both love or simply engage in deep, soulful talk.
17. Constantly lying
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Lying even about the little things will leave papercuts in your partner’s heart, for example, texting them that you’re going to sleep but in reality, you were secretly online on social media. Sounds like a small thing, but when your partner finds out you were up all night and you didn’t tell them, this would create some doubts in their mind. Regardless of your reason for keeping secrets, your partner should be your special exception and you must learn to trust them to avoid breaking their trust in you.
18. Lack of intimacy
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Some partners desire deep and soulful intimacy, which may be what your lover needs. If you’re unable to show them the same level of affection or convince them that you want the same amount of intimacy as they do, your partner may end up feeling as if they’re not good enough for you. This would lead to insecurities which would then turn into arguments.
19. Being too controlling
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You may want what’s best for your partner or you’re just trying to protect them, but sometimes, being too controlling can also suffocate them. Your partner may feel as if you don’t have faith in them, you’re looking down on them, or you’re taking away their right to express themselves. Instead of nagging or controlling your lover, isn’t it much better to communicate your thoughts properly until you both come to a peaceful agreement?
20. Being too dependent
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Your partner can’t do all the work by themselves, no matter how well off they may seem to be in their life or career. So if you’re too dependent on your partner about many things, they may end up feeling alone in their struggles which may cause them to eventually leave. This is why it’s important to support each other mutually as much as you can, so always reach out to offer if they need help on something too!