20 Ways Your Childhood Affects Your Dating Life

Depending on your childhood, your behavior and attitude towards dating may change. That’s how vital your childhood is to your life as an adult. That said, its influence on your romantic life could be negative or positive. To guide you, here are 20 ways your childhood affects your dating life.

1. Irregular emotions

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Childhood trauma either makes you emotionally numb or a sensitive person with unstable emotions. For some people, this can be unpredictable; they might lash out at their partner or randomly explode because they bottle up their feelings until they reach their limits. This often results in mental breakdowns or angry outbursts that can easily ruin any relationship.

2. Abandonment issues

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Those who grew up neglected or left behind by their family often deal with abandonment issues. They may feel extremely attached to you or keep themselves far away, out of anyone’s reach. Either way, this unhealthy habit can sabotage their dating life.

3. Compromising too much

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Due to childhood trauma, you may do everything in your power to stop someone from leaving, even if it means you’ll sacrifice parts of yourself just to keep them satisfied. This results in an unhealthy power imbalance in your relationship, and you won’t find happiness until you start healing yourself.

4. Ignoring your own boundaries

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Having an abusive childhood means you were never taught how to set boundaries; even if you did, your abusers would only violate them no matter what. This leaves you feeling powerless, and you start wondering what the point of having boundaries is. As a result, you may not even tell your potential partner about your ground rules anymore, leaving yourself vulnerable to a cycle of abuse.

5. Struggling to communicate

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Those with traumatic childhoods were often silenced against their will, making them think there’s no use in communicating because their voice remains unheard. This is why they’ll struggle to communicate with anyone as they grow up. They’re prone to stonewalling, giving the cold shoulder, silent treatment, or passive-aggressive behavior.

6. Commitment issues

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Depending on your childhood, you may or may not have commitment issues. Those who grew up in a healthy, positive environment won’t have trouble getting into a serious relationship. Meanwhile, those with traumatic childhoods may cause them to fear commitment, thinking that love will only hurt them the same way their family or abusers hurt them.

7. Seeking unhealthy relationships

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Experts say that abused people may find comfort in dating others with the same unhealthy habits their family or abuser might have. That’s because that’s the kind of “love” they know, and they have difficulty adjusting to a healthy relationship. This is more reason for them to seek help and find true love that can help them heal. 

8. Not knowing how to express affection

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It’s hard to show affection when you barely got any during childhood; for example, you may not even know how to say “I love you” or reach out for a hug. This is common in children who were neglected or starved for affection. Because of this, they’re often seen as distant in their relationships, causing them to feel disconnected from their partners.

9. Being unable to open up

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Because of trust issues brought on by childhood trauma, you might have a hard time opening up to others; this happens due to fear of being judged or criticized, something your abusers often do. Dating someone like this is like approaching a terrified animal in the wild; they’re quick to hop away if they think there’s a threat. 

10. Trust issues

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Other than being distant, trust issues will also make you constantly doubt your partner; you’ll often accuse them of lying, cheating, or hiding things from you, even if it’s not true. Repeating this issue can drain your partner’s patience until they decide to leave. 

11. Having low standards

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Those with a healthy childhood will also have good standards for themselves; after all, they know how much they deserve to be loved. Meanwhile, those with childhood trauma tend to have lower standards; that’s because they might think they’re unworthy of being loved. This is why it can be challenging to date a damaged person, but it doesn’t mean they should be taken advantage of either.

12. Being emotionally unavailable

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Traumatized people may unconsciously protect themselves by limiting their emotions; this means they might not be as emotionally available as someone with a healthy childhood. With their trauma, they’ll find it hard to trust you with their heart. That’s why you’ll struggle to understand each other, leaving you both stuck in your relationship despite trying to reach out.

13. Not knowing how to apologize

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A lot of people with a horrible childhood never got an apology from their family or their abusers. Sadly, this left most of them unable to apologize even when they knew they’d done something wrong. They might even resort to shutting down or guilt-tripping until they’re forgiven, creating another toxic cycle in their relationship where the abused may become the abuser.

14. Saying “yes” to everything

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Abused children often fear making their abusers angry. This is why, even as adults, they become people pleasers who would say “yes” to anything, even if it means sacrificing their happiness. This only leaves them vulnerable to people who may take advantage of their trauma, trapping them in another unhealthy relationship.

15. Dealing with manipulative habits

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As the saying goes, “Hurt people hurt people.” It means that those with horrible childhoods might be prone to hurting others too, such as picking up the manipulative habits they might have gotten from their family. A classic technique that gets passed on is emotional manipulation through gaslighting; the worst part is, sometimes, they’re not even aware that they’re becoming a manipulator, too.

16. You can’t be true to yourself

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An unhappy childhood means you were most likely oppressed as a child; your family or abusers probably used your happiness as a weapon to hurt you or targeted your weaknesses just for their satisfaction. In return, you’ll grow up being afraid to express yourself out of fear of punishment freely. This leaves you unable to show your authentic self to your partner, making it hard for you to connect with them.

17. Self-sabotaging

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People with childhood trauma are prone to self-sabotaging habits. They may constantly overthink, come up with scenarios that aren’t even real, or find ways to create negativity in their relationship. Peace makes them uneasy because it’s still new and strange, causing them to self-sabotage when they’re left alone with their thoughts for too long.

18. Developing an obsession

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A traumatized child might grow into an adult who gets attached too quickly. As a result, they may confuse their newfound obsession with “love,” which makes them jump from one relationship after another. This obsession can come in different forms, but the most common form is the one that suffocates the subject of obsession.

19. Anxiety makes you mask

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You may constantly hide parts of yourself with a mask to appear “normal” or “perfect.” Eventually, this act will crumble one day when you hit your breaking point, which puts your relationships at risk. This happens due to overwhelming anxiety caused by an unhappy childhood.

20. Living in the past

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You won’t be able to live in the present and build a better future if the past constantly haunts you. Unfortunately for people with traumatic childhoods, this is something many of them struggle to let go of. Being deeply emotionally scarred may hinder you for life, but what matters more is you’re striving to grow around your grief until it can no longer hold you down.

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• Relationships
• Childhood
• life
• love
• Dating